The Only Credible 2024 Cyber Security Predictions

Post author:SecureIQLab
Post published:February 20, 2024

If you’re like me, you’re tired of blogs and whitepapers that all make the same predictions concerning the coming year’s cyber-security landscape. The predictions are just like common password practices. At the end of the year, you increment by one and change nothing else. In fact, the predictions are so obvious that even Nostradamus didn’t think they were worth mentioning. Of course, Nostradamus didn’t have a marketing team telling him that he had to write cyber security predictions blogs. Fine, marketing, I’ll write a blog.

Cyber Security 2024 Through The Eyes Of A Security Analyst

AI will continue to be the dominant marketing term.

“Out of an abundance of caution” will continue to dominate PR damage control lingo.

In order to capitalize on the free PR advertising, I will launch a company named “Out of an Abundance of Caution.” Write me for insider information concerning the Out of an Abundance of Caution IPO.

Given the huge number of searches for porn on the Internet, 2024 will be the year the porn industry launches PornGPT. Additionally, O’Reilly’s “The Illustrated PornGPT for Dummies” will remain at the top of The New York Times Best Seller List for the second half of 2024

With the deployment of PornGPT, 6869% of the questions asked will be “How many visitors per minute do porn sites get.” This information will then be used extensively in security company blogs and as stats for congressional hearings on the scope of the problem. If you don’t believe the number 68% is correct, then make your own damn number like everyone else does.

The X-Twitter will continue to align itself (dare I say collude) with cyber-criminals by continuing its ban on 2FA for people who don’t pay for it. According to leaked internal memos, Musk doesn’t believe there is enough cyber-crime right now.

After this post, members of the press will come to me in droves to get insightful and reliable predictions for the rest of the year.

As an analyst, I don’t have to be insightful to be right, and I don’t have to be right to sound insightful. If you don’t believe me, just ask ChatGPT.